I Miss You Already

by Cynthia Johnson on August 18, 2013

Have you ever found that the thought of missing something was worse than it actually being gone? I miss summer already. In fact I have been feeling for weeks that summer was passing too quickly, as I sat with the window open this morning, my cat cowering from the cool air floating in, this thought came slamming to the forefront of my mind again.

Midsummer last year I moved my practice back into my home.  I was a little nervous about the move as I wanted to keep a level of professionalism that I was proud to bring, to what can sometimes be very unprofessional and well, downright crazy area of work.  I have seen, heard and been around some pretty insane people, practices and beliefs.   My home has always been very important to me, as has family.  I realize now, opening my home is like welcoming people into the very heart of me.

I thought I would miss my office, but I don’t.  The truth is, it had come to own me. It was becoming too expensive to operate and raising fees was simply out of the question in this economy.   I feel so much more efficient and complete working from home, and I think my clients have settled in and like it as well.  My rising sign is Cancer; the sign of home, family and the archetypal mother and I often feel like a mother to many.

I believe home will become the focal point once again for much of the population over the next few years, more children are being home schooled for so many reasons, corporations are beginning to realize it saves everyone money working from home, even part of the time.  What better answer for everyone, including the planet?  No additional petroleum being burned, less structures being heated and cooled.  Why house people in huge office buildings, when their homes are left empty while still being heated and cooled?  Most of us shop and socialize from computer devices – so much is changing, so quickly.   Would you miss your commute?  Would you miss an office or workplace setting?  For me, in theory I thought I would. and yet once it was gone, I did not miss it.

And so as I sit here its mid August and I am feeling summers end nearing, I keep thinking of the summer things I have not done yet.  It seems the non-seasonal things take up most of my time.   Feeling a bit nostalgic, I remember how every day of summer felt like summer when I was a child.   We drank every drop didn’t we?   Then we fell into bed, sleep taking over us before the pillow fully cradled our head, with a contentment that comes from being outside absorbing the day, then allowing the night to absorb us.  As I write this, I begin to realize the reason I don’t want summer to end -  it has been one of the loveliest I can recall.  Someone asked me the other day, did I go anywhere this summer?  I found myself, almost feeling guilty for saying no, like I should have reported we spent a week at the ocean or traveled and stayed somewhere.  We did not fly to an island, nor did we even vacation over night anywhere.

I did however, spend a lot of time on the edge of a sandbox a grandfather built for his grandson, the exact replica he made our daughter many years ago, and so we did travel back in time a bit.  I saw a “buuuugg” for the very first time.  I stopped and smelled every flower I passed amazed it was right there, as I was only three feet tall!  I laughed in unison every time we got on the swings.  I discovered French fries and milkshakes, I don’t remember ever having them before.  I fought sleep rather than yearn for it because I didn’t want the day to end.

So why do we miss what is still there?  Why don’t we just enjoy it while it is? I suppose because we are human and unlike the spirit world, everything here ends. It is inevitable.  We don’t like that. So we hold onto the stuff that feels good as long as we can.  It is valuable to know, that who we are inside does not end, and in fact continues building always growing larger, good or bad, negative or positive.  Work on that.  The kindness we show to each other even in a moment of painful honesty is lasting.  We are all children for all of our life and never stop learning. Think about it, do you really feel your age?  Do you feel like an adult?

It doesn’t matter where you are, or what the weather is like, what matters is who you are.   I don’t think I will miss summer when it is gone, I will still be in love but it will be autumn, crisp and golden and as surely as I write this on a chilly morning in August, I will conjure the same feeling and thoughts as the coming fall season nears its end on a sudden bitter, November morning.   I hope I remember, it doesn’t matter.

Until next time,

~Cynthia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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